nga pala, it's the day of fathers around the world yesterday. it's not that i forgot with the numerous yahoo messages and yahoo/google groups sending me reminders that it is in fact father's day. it's that, like valentines, i rather celebrate it earlier or later. you know, non-conformist wannabe ;).
so in-line with the celebration of one of our dear, dear parents, i would like to make a toast. gawd! toast daw. i want all of you to know my father. one of the most understanding, if not the most, father anyone could dream of. although he is already up there with the Almighty since 3rd year college, i could not stress enough how much he have help me even after he passed away.
you see, i am a papa's girl, back then i was a papa's boy. i grew up beside my dad. since i am the youngest of the brood, grew up with my dad at my right hand and kuya j.r. at my left. i remember how i used to pluck daddy's gray hairs for 5 cent a piece and getting enough for me to buy ice buko (ice lollies in this side of the planet). dad knew that most the the time i cut most of the hair into two but he doesn't seem to mind. our neighbourhood calls him totoy bato (totoy the mighty) gaining the reputation of being the community siga.
he taught me the meaning of cariño brutal. when i graduated salutatorian in elementary, he didn't attend my graduation. for him, there's only valedictorian-first honor and there's the rest. even my highschool graduation. he pushed me harder to persevere and be the best that i can be. he may not show it, but i know he loves me and he wants only the best for me. he forbid me to enroll to u.p. because he knows i would enlist myself with the numerous demonstrations. he didn't let me took up education in u.s.t. because he know that teaching is more on passion rather than income. when i took computer engineering in mapua, he bought me a computer for my own use without me asking for it. he bought me upgrades and a complete engineering set. i even have my own apartment near the school so i won't be late.
but during the summer after my 2nd year, it began. none of us knew because he rarely say anything. you see, my dad was undergoing dialysis since 1985. both of his kidney failed and dialysis is the only thing sustaining him. but he never let this 'minor' detail held him being a father. i spent summer with my dad, attending to our construction business and the twice a week visit to the hemodialysis center in cubao. we always have a grand time there; this is the only time he is allowed to eat anything he wants. i offered my kidney for him, again. before he refused, because he love me more than himself. he couldn't bear the fact that i would only be half-alive as he put it. but this time i was more persistent. he agreed and i was schedule for a biopsy at the national kidney institute. that day didn't transpired, he died before we even began the cross matching procedure. i believe that he still didn't want me to give him my kidney. his death was a shock to us, even though we all knew that it was looming. i still remember when i held his hands at his death bed. a very faint pulse from the drugs the doctors used to resuscitate him. then the doctor called it, time of death… i still don't want to believe it. i accompanied my dad all the way to the morgue. cold, desolate place i wouldn't want to be in again.
my dad died before i discovered who i really am. i guess that's my only regret in life, my dad not knowing who really his son is. he would have been proud. his son all grown up, facing the world PROUD.