plain jane

it has been a trying week. i realized how “important” i am to my company that 2 senior managers, 2 managers and an hr personnel talked to me in a matter of 72 hours. 4 of them convincing me to stay and making amends and “offers” if you may, to extend my stay just even for a little bit. they still want me to go on foreign assignment at least fora modified 3 months. a lot of questions were asked, what made me resign? what can be done? what can make me stay?…

 i have to be honest, i like my current company now. i like how it takes care of its people. i pride myself that i belong to this company who values it’s people, recognizes diversity, embraces change and empowers people. however a company is only ran by its people and it’s those different stroke that made me decide to cut ties. i’ve grown tired. i no longer enjoy what i do. work now feels work and my passion to develop and architect web solutions is now gone. for me it’s a big deal. the leadership is asking me what they can do to rescind my resignation. but as of this moment, i don’t wan to think anymore. it’s like i’m done thinking. it’s time for you guys to step up and present me reasons why should  i chose to stay. though it’s my problem too but, the solution now is up to them. i want to be selfish. i want to think of myself for a change. i’ve been thinking what’s best for the project, what adds value to the client, what good for the company… that no one is actually thinking what’s best for me.

 i need to be selfish here. i need to address what is important to me and what will make me happy. maybe i.t. is just something i am good at but not necessarily what i should be doing. i don’t know, i’ve been doing this for almost 7 years now and it seems like this is my world. but i have to consider and step out of the box. maybe i am meant to dance. or be a stage prop. or to teach yoga. or maybe i am to solve world peace, poverty and hunger. i don’t know, all i know is that i’m tired and i need a timeout.

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