random thoughts

saw this in my draft box. thoughts i had while on my way from the office.

2007.03.20 1.10am:

Sitting by the window of the car on my way home. It’s 1.10 in the morning as I attend to my emails. I put the window down although the aircon of the car is working just fine; I felt a little dizzy and I want to see the the outside view as well. Busses and trucks hurrying to their destination. I love traveling in the dead of the night, less traffic and I get to enjoy the dead silence, except that of some cheesy radio station the driver is listening to. I just filed a compensatory day off (CDO) from working during weekends at the height of delivering phase 1 of my current project assignment. Sipping venti brewed coffee, there are few stars tonight I noticed although the moon is up. Construction workers run about along the south expressway with their big machines paving the road. My headache’s getting worst…

Opened my planner to check what’s in-store for me later. I’ll start my day early; answering emails before I go to the office. And attend some more meetings. Meetings. Meetings. I scheduled a dinner with Shy. I think pasta and chicken would do nicely for dinner and nice hot cup of coffee after. I have learned to organize everything; I can’t live without my planner. It’s my offline social calendar, whatever little time I have for myself.

Happiness is a choice, or so I was told and made to believe. How come I chose to be happy yet I feel I am short to happiness. Is it really as simple as choosing to be happy or I have it cut out for me. There are a lot of self help books and even a practice in medicine who’ll try to tell you have to be happy and content; does it really work? Or is it just an illusion, a make belief that we kid ourselves to find comfort in this chaos? I don’t want to try to answer anything, I can’t even answer questions about myself. Oxymoron is an adjective I describe myself, I am still an oxymoron.

Can’t sleep, not from the caffeine. I just don’t know what to do…


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